Sunday, August 8, 2010

Fighting the lazies.

So, as most everyone knows by now, Mrs. Domesstic got herself knocked up. (Yay!)
But, consequently, I've exploded. (I'm at 34 weeks, and I just don't see where the additional 6 weeks are going to fit....) And Mr. Domesstic has up and left me alllll allllllone for the past eight weeks. (Ok, he didn't just "up and leave". He's got obligations and all. But it just doesn't have the same ring to it to admit that, does it?)

Anyway. I'm here, allllll alllllone, a giant, tired woman, with a 3 year old to entertain. And today is Sunday. The day of rest, right? All I want to do is clean my house a bit, and maybe get some sewing done. (Yes, that is actually kinda restful, comparatively.) But a guilty conscience *ahem, Mr.* prevented me from following through on a plan of movie-time for the munchkin, so instead, I got my butt in gear and played with my kid! No, you didn't read that wrong.....I really did! Go ahead, a brief applause is totally within reason. I can wait....

Ok. So, want to be super-mom like me? It's so easy!

#1: Find/draw animal pictures. I cut mine from a coloring book. Have child "help" glue pictures to super-stiff-hand-torturing cardboard. The pain-factor is important. It really makes you feel like you're a true blue, selfless mother. (Because motherhood hurts, right?)

#2: Encourage child to color said pictures. Try not to mention that kangaroos are not, in fact, blue. Also try not to be discouraged that child doesn't actually want to color said pictures. Best laid plans...

#3: Create Safari Log Book. Hand draw previously mentioned safari animals in little book. This is where the super-mom comes in. Let the child gush over what an amazing artist you are. It will feel very, very good. Prompt child, if necessary. Write name of animal next to picture. Go over the spelling/sounds of animal's names. This is a teachable moment.

#4: Create Safari outfit. In my case, this included an easter basket, binoculars (the ever-popular toilet tube/saran wrap version), giant stealth shades, and a visor. (We were running a bit low on creativity at this point...)

#5: Hide safari animals outside, and bask in the cuteness that is your child as s/he goes on a safari adventure.

#6: ....Try to still look excited when child goes on her sixth consecutive safari adventure.....

There you go! Six easy steps to getting rid of that guilty conscience, so that, when it comes time to make dinner, and you are a giant, tired woman who also happens to be alllll allllllone, you can feel totally justified in turning on Pingu.

And, speaking of dinner, check out our breakfast. It happened to be another super-mom moment:

Greek yogurt, pumpkin granola, homegrown papayas, and a drizzle of honey. .........omg...........

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Peace and Quiet. A typical morning...

7:00 Am:
I hear the door open. Oh no. Covers come quickly up over my head.... just don't move.....
Kenzie: "Mommy? Mommy? Mommmmmmmyyyyyyy? MOM!?"
Me: "Mmphfph."
K: "Come play with me! Come downstairs! Come play! Do you want an animal? Here's an animal for you!"
Me: "Mmmmphg. Early! I'll meet you down there..."
K: "No, mommy, you have to come now. I'm a little afraid. You need to be with me. Here's an animal for you!"
Me: "Go on ahead. There's nothing to be afraid of...I'll be down in a few minutes. Let me wake up and go pee."
K: "Ok, mommy. I'll wait right here. Mommy? Mommy, get out of bed. Mommmmmyyy. Here's your animal!"
Me: "I'm up! Can I just have a minute to go pee?"
K: "Sure! I'll come with you!"

9:00 Am:
Me: "C'mon, Kenz, it's time to go."
K: "Ok, mom. Just wait one second. I need to get an animal."
Me: "Please hurry, hun, we'll be late."
K: "OK mom, just WAIT! I need another animal. I'll be right back....."
Me: "Kenzi, we're going to be late, and you won't get to play with your friends. It's your choice....."
K: "I'm COMING mommy. Mommy? Mommy, I'm hiding. Come fiiiiiiiind me."

12:00 Pm
Me: "Kenz, I just need to run in this store for a few minutes. It won't take me long at all, but you need to stay with me. Please?"
K: "Ok, mommy! Can I have a treat?"
Me: "We'll talk about it, after you've been a good girl in the store...."

Me: "Kenzi? Where are you? I told you to stay where I can see you..."
K*yelled from undetermined location*: "I'm Hiding! Come fiiiiiiiind me!"
Me: "Kenzi, please get back here, and stay where I can see you."
K: "I can't! You have to fiiiiiiind me. "
*after kid is found, we have a little chat. We discuss proper behavior in a store. Again. We agree to be a good girl, to stay with mommy, and to give mommy FIVE minutes to pick out a bra. Just one bra. Please?*
K: "Mommy? What's this? .....Why?......What's that?......why?.......Mommy, I need to pee.....Mommy.....come fiiiiiiiiiiiind me!!!"
Me: "Ok, I give up, let's just go home."
K: "But, can I have a treat?"
Me: "............"

Me: Kenzi, I'd really like to listen to this news story. Can you be quiet for a minute?
K: "No, I want to listen to my princess music."
Me: "We just listened to the whole cd. It's my turn now. Can you be quiet for a little bit so I can listen?"
K: "Ok. Sure."
K: "Mommy? I'm sorry. I just can't be quiet. I tried and tried, but I just can't do it. Sorry."

Me: "MacKenzie..... I know."